Hi everyone, I think I’ve finally got a handle on the whole social media model. Twitter is like a cocktail party: “hi, how are you, good to see you, thanks for coming.” Facebook is like meeting a friend for coffee: “you look great, love the pix from your vacation. How did you like the play?” And a blog is an opportunity for people out in the webosphere to find out who you really are, and hopefully to carry on a more in-depth conversation.
That being said, there is something more you should know about me. During all of this texting and tweeting, facebooking, and writing novels and stage plays, I am a full-time caregiver for my mother, Evangeline. She is 86 years old and has Parkinson’s disease. She is pretty much wheel-chair bound, but she insists on walking as much as she can for as long as she can. So, in the mornings, after I walk our dog Kona, I come home and walk mom in our backyard four to six times around a bit of lawn we have in the backyard.
She is not dying per see, not in the late stages, she may live for another couple years, or who knows, it could be sooner. I don’t want to this to be a “woe-is-me” kinda post. It is more a reminder that along with her, my days are numbered too. For a long time I kept thinking: “well, when mom goes, that’s when my career will really take off.” But if all I do all day is push her wheel chair around and watch “Jeopardy” with her, I will go nuts.
Instead, I use her as my constant, I plan my writing time around her naps and meal times. It forces me to be more disciplined and structured with my time. I’m happier, as I get the chance to do what I love, and she’s happier, seeing that I am happy.
It is not always easy, there have been a lot of mother/daughter politics going on. When she first moved in her, she expected to run the show. I finally had to say, “look, I lived by your rules when I lived in your house for twenty years, now it’s your turn to live by mine.” It was tough, but we always kiss and make-up. I don’t plan on passing out caregiving tips, but a Diaper Genie works well for Depends too.
These days I’ve been re-reading one of my favorite authors, Carlos Castaneda who speaks of death always being just over your left shoulder, that it is at arm’s length and can tap you at any moment, so you really have no time for crappy thoughts or moods. He also said, “For me the world is weird because it is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable; my interest has been to convince you that you must assume responsibility for being here, in this marvelous world, in this marvelous desert, in this marvelous time. I want to convince you that you must learn to make every act count, since you are going to be here for only a short while, in fact, too short for witnessing all the marvels of it.”
― Carlos Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan
Thanks for stopping by. I look forward to hearing from you guys. Rachel
It is great to get to know you better after meeting on twitter:) I think it is wonderful that you are caring for your mother and after watching my mom take care of my grandmother I know It is a huge job! I love the quote about death, so true and I try to remember it when I get in those crappy moods!
Kara, in all my days, when times get really tough, I always go back to Carlos and his teacher Don Juan and his lessons about death, life and taking responsibility. I will probably end up writing more posts on the theme. When you “get it” that death is just around the corner, it makes life so much sweeter. So nice to meet you on Twitter. I look forward to learning more about all the new wana1011’s.
Nice thoughts rachel- thanks for sharing
Hi Marlon,
Thanks for stopping by. I’m hoping to get out to Orlando, maybe in February. Will keep you posted.
This is a beautiful post, Rachel. Be proud that you built a House of Love.
Dear Pat,
I am truly blessed to live in a beautiful home, and being surrounded by so many caring friends. It has been great connecting to all the #wana1011’s out there.
LOVE your take on social media! My thoughts go out to you and your mom; caregiving has to be one of the hardest jobs on the planet. I know, I’ve done it too. Glad to meet you, looking forward to the class!
Hey Serena, thanks so much for stopping by, I wish I could offer tea and cookies. I guess we’ll just have to do with the digital version. But again, it won’t end up on our hips. I think there are so many fellow caregivers out there, it’s always good to connect with someone who can relate to the plight.
What a heartfelf post! I admire your courage and strength and determination not to throw a pity-party. The attitude we choose to have often determines if we come out the other side a better person, stronger, wiser, or simply weak and cynical.
Way to go on finding ways to structure your writing around your mother. Btw, I’ve always thought Evangeline is such a beautiful name. So happy to meet you and connect with you.
Hi Isis, sorry it has taken me so long to log in. Thank you for your kind words. I’m am having so much fun connecting with everyone from Kristen’s WANA class. you guys are the best.